While wandering home from a late night session of cockroach wrangling at a local bistro I heard an frightful noise behind me. Throwing myself into a nearby clump of stinging nettles I watched as a terrifying vision crawled past. "What" I wondered "could this un-natural combination of man and machine be?" "Where did it come from?" "Why did he bother?"
After several exhaustive minutes of research (and the loss of all my body hair) I uncovered the truth.
Concerned that our regular customers might begin to trust our judgment, a crack team of Lakeside mechanics, in consultation with the imagineers at Disney, locked themselves in the women's restroom at a nearby Nordstroms and created the worlds first bicycle with a spare drive-train. Completely useless, it is also costly, heavy and unnecessary.
For the first time in recorded history it is possible for man to ride a bicycle with roughly twice the necessary number of moving parts. The result is roughly twice the probability of failure, four thirds the number of uncomprehending looks and eighteen fifths the number of unprovoked assaults by motorists (no one is sure why. For the most part motorists are such even tempered beasts).
Based on the theory that consumption of a quart of Wild Turkey is preferable to a coherent theory of drive train development Lakeside Bicycles proudly announces a landmark breakthrough in retrograde engineering.
Heavy! Complex! Pointless! Expensive!
Dual Fixed Gear Drive!
Exclusively available at Lakeside Bicycles.