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  • Send the Eddy Merckx shrine out for re-gilding
  • Get cat sized Ray Bans for Magnus so we can do the 'Ray Charles' YouTube
  • "RiffTrax version of Triplets of Belleville
  • Change out of kit right after each ride.  "Chamois Time" is not the same as "Saddle Time"
  • Get two friends to start smoking so I can beat someone up a hill
  • Eat less candy (including "Cliff Blocks")
  • Let go inner psychopath.  The greater the likelihood that the driver will leave his car, the more savage the beating you are likely to get
  • Channel self delusions to ever better times on Larch Mountain
  • Assume full responsibility for bike handling failures.  Sometimes we just screw up
  • Remind myself that in France you would be viewed as hopelessly indifferent to cycling
  • Remember that intuition is no substitute for skill on descents
  • Use inner voice when calling for my mother on climbs
  • When annoyed by a driver remember:  forgiveness is almost always less expensive than a law suit or an emergency room visit
  • Be one with my bicycle.  All of them.
  • Blessed are the flexible for they can use a lower stack height
  • Stop reminding the Police that you pay their salary
  • Don't let practicality stand in the way of self actualization
  • Be generous with experience and advice.  There is little in life more satisfying than "I told you so"
  • Equipment failures are usually a more credible excuse than "I am having a bad day"
  • Before criticizing anyone, ride a mile in their shoes.  Then, if they get annoyed, you will be a mile away and they will be barefoot
  • Lycra is a privilege, not a right
  • Stop silently riding up behind joggers on bike paths.  It stops being funny when someone has a heart attack
  • Stop offering complete strangers bike fit advice, particularly pedestrians
  • Find some cycling stories that do not involve a near-death experience.  This is NOT how we get people to take up the sport
  • Remember that most motorists automatically forget commandment number 6 in the presence of cyclists
  • Remember that rainbows are God's way of reminding us that beauty is just an optical illusion, except for Italian road bikes
  • Going insane while watching a televised, close sprint during a major tour is a sign of mental health
  • Stop trying to adjust my own front derailleur