- Send the Eddy Merckx shrine out for re-gilding
- "RiffTrax" version of Triplets of Belleville
- Change out of kit right after each ride. "Chamois Time" is not the same as "Saddle Time"
- Get two friends to start smoking so I can beat someone up a hill
- Eat less candy (including Cliff Blocks)
- Let go inner psychopath. The greater the likelihood that the driver will leave his car, the more savage the beating you are likely to get
- Channel self delusions to ever better times on Larch Mountain
- Assume full responsibility for bike handling failures. Sometimes we just screw up
- Remind myself that in France you would be viewed as hopelessly indifferent to cycling
- Remember that intuition is no substitute for skill on descents
- Use inner voice when calling for my mother on climbs
- When annoyed by a driver remember: forgiveness is almost always less expensive than a law suit or an emergency room visit
- Be one with my bicycle. All of them.
- Blessed are the flexible for they shall use a lower stack height
- Stop reminding the Police that you pay their salary
- Don't let practicality stand in the way of self actualization
- Be generous with experience and advice. There is little in life more satisfying than "I told you so"
- Equipment failures are usually a more credible excuse than "I am having a bad day"
- Before criticizing anyone, ride a mile in their shoes. Then, if they get annoyed, you will be a mile away and they will be barefoot
- Lycra is a privilege, not a right
- Stop silently riding up behind joggers on bike paths. It stops being funny when someone has a heart attack
- Stop offering complete strangers bike fit advice, particularly pedestrians
- Find some cycling stories that do not involve a near-death experience. This is NOT how we get people to take up the sport
- Remember that most motorists automatically forget commandment number 6 in the presence of cyclists
- Remember that rainbows are God's way of reminding us that beauty is just an optical illusion, except for Italian road bikes
- Going insane while watching a televised, close sprint during a major tour is a sign of mental health
- Stop trying to adjust my own front derailleur