Lakeside Bicycles Staff:
Founded on April 1, 1997. Lakeside Bicycles has been a Lake Oswego (and Portland) tradition for over a quarter of a century. Built on the proposition that all cycling opportunities should be equal and that every cyclist is entitled to the best outcome of which they are capable, we exist to exceed your innermost and most urgent cycling hopes and dreams.
Please, check us out in person. There are loads of positive reviews written by people who have been brainwashed by our kindness and attention to their needs and whims as well as the occasional angry essays by people who have, clearly, mistaken us for someone else. In either case, Lakeside Bicycles is always a better experience than the rumor.
Here, randomly arranged in the order we uncovered their photos, is our crack team of cycling Ninjas. Each of them a tower of strength and an ocean of knowledge. Each of them vibrating in readiness to realize your every whim.
Lakeside Bicycles, where cycling dreams hang out.....
Onslo, The Breath Monster:
As part of his treatment for his addiction to excessive cheerfulness, we invite Onslo to visit the shop from time to time where he has variously: stolen all of the cat's toys, drooled messily over lunch, learned to (occasionally) roll over on command, and fallen asleep on every horizontal space in the shop. All that said, our hope that he will one day find a use for his second brain cell remains unrealized.
Onslo's motto? "Oh boy this is great!"
Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus, Cat Emeritus:
Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (fireside name: Magnus) The cat so big we called him 'The Great', After following our owner home from the local Cat Adoption Center, the 10 year old Magnus was responsible for Dust Bunny wrangling at Lakeside Bicycles when he wasn't under treatment for his addiction to large dogs. Though capable of overcoming foes one third his size: we, on occasion, opened the shop to find him bound, gagged and covered with threatening Post'Its from the mice. Magnus was a fixture at Lakeside Bicycles for 15 years, and passed away peacefully while sunning himself in the front window at the ripe old age of 25. RIP.
Magnus motto: Canis timidus vehementius latrat quam mordet
The Zeppelin (Otherwise known as Penny Pretty):
Nothing to do with lakeside Bicycles, she's never visited Lakeside Bicycles, she has no interest in anything that doesn't get her closer to the bird feeder. On the other hand she swore that she would make all of our lives miserable if we left her out.
The Zeppelin's motto? Gustat Sicut Pullum
Peter Drake, Lead Mechanic:
After a lengthy history engaging in jobs ranging from goat herding to hand modeling to managing a music store to mangaing an e-bike importer to taking the 2020 census to getting his degree and pretty much everything imaginable in between, Peter decided to take an enormous leap away from common sense and settled down to "do something" about Lakeside Bicycle's service area. Comfortably ensconced amidst his tribe of mechanics and mechanic trainees, Peter now spends his days seeing to it that your bicycle receives the kind of attention normally accorded to exceedingly wealthy users of elective plastic surgery.
Peter's Motto? There's no such thing as overkill, just open fire and re-load.
Meryl Haber, She Who Must Be Obeyed:
Like Oregon, her home state, Meryl is a beloved source of home made baked goods. As our book keeper Meryl sees to it that the bills are paid and the brakes applied to our buying. As a young Mazama, Meryl summited every major peak in Oregon. As a rider she has embarrassed more experienced riders on Mount Ventoux, the Alpe d'huez, the Lautere, and the col Izoard (ouch. ow!).
Meryl's motto? It's good to be the Queen
David Rusnak, Sales:
Devoted father and husband, David spends his idle moments hiding out at Lakeside Bicycles impersonating a salesman (person?). We first met David at a delicate stage in his life: having mastered the intricacies of Sub Molar Physics and and unable to find a market for his pocket sized inertia masking system he leapt at the opportunity to relax in a relatively untaxing environment while waiting for The Son's Of Lee Marvin to evaluate his head shot.
David's motto? "If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturers warranty, you didn't do enough damage."
Gunnar Gritzka, Grom in training:
Brought on-board as part of our "Adolescent's Repatriation and Restoration Program", Gunnar has converted himself into a serious mechanic and a generally useful member of society. We are eagerly looking forward to a year when, with Gunnar's assistance, we will have too many mechanics.
Gunnar's motto? "Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock."
Calum Pierce, Grom in training:
Calum is Lakeside Bicycles' most senior junior mechanic. Calum's serious demeanor and sly wit are a key part of our ongoing program to offer the public an embarrassment of talent.
Calum's motto? "If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you were lucky."
Gordon Haber, Chief Mahout and elephant driver:
Son of a noted tribe of itinerant carpet cleaners, Gordon spent his early years fostered to a family of Howler monkeys near a small village on the Amazon. On graduation from the Ecuador School of Hills and Valleys with a degree in swamp, Gordon went to work for the national lab doing Something Secret. At the urging of his wife (Meryl), he interrupted his career of time-card padding and web surfing to open Lakeside Bicycles where he can often be found today, staring blankly off into space and occasionally interfering with his employees.
Gordon's motto: He fears his fate too much or his desserts are small, who dares not put it to the test, to gain or lose it all.
Zohltan the Ineffable:
He's a cat. Not particularly sane, and totally indifferent to the world around him...in short: a cat.
Zohltan's motto? "Two wrongs is probably not going to be enough."
Zak Kaovalcik, Bicycle Fit Specialist
Coming to us by way of the Professional Track circut and a renowned career of bike fitting, we are proud to have Zak as Lakeside Bicycles' very own Zen Master of Retül Fit!
Zak's motto? "Who you are is always right and by the way, have you considered shorter cranks?"
Todd Foreman-Kinder, Bike wrangler and third standard deviation mechanic:
One of Lakeside Bicycles' earliest customers, it was with a sense of awed confusion that we watched Todd devolop into one of the region's preeminent mechanics and widely hailed experts on "Bike Stuff". Lakeside Bicycles is indeed fortunate to have the bennefit of Todd's limited spare time as he works his way through repeatedly aceng class after class on his way to the Portland State University Environmental Science Program's Dean's List.
Todd's Motto? "The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer."
Todd's great aunt Evelyn Miner, c. 1950 outside the family's Michigan bike shop.
Mary Kaiser, Sales, Merchandising, Staff Rocket Scientist:
A dear friend and valued member of Lakeside Bicycles' staff, Mary is single handedly responsible for dramatically increasing the population of Rocket Scientists at lakeside Bicycles.
Mary's motto? "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."
Ted Collins: Customer Service Adept and duplicate Peter
Identical twin brother to Peter (or is it the other way around), Ted came to us during his Wanderjahr in search of some marginally profitable way to spend his time off the bicycle. We immediatly jumped at the chance to get two at the price of one only to find ourselves perpetually confused as to which of the two it was. It was only after their mother patiently assured us that "it doesn't really much matter" that we were able to relax and accept that, in most cases, the twin doing whatever was being done was the twin we were most likely to want to do it.
Ted's Motto? "No one owns more than they can carry in two hands at a dead run"
Peter Collins: Struggling Mechanic and spare Ted
Once we had Ted on board, it only seamed natural to aquire the matched set, and boy were we glad we did! Not only have we added to our talent pool in both the service and sales arenas, for the first time we are able to walk around the store loudly asking one another "which twin is that?" Beganining his career at Lakeside doing realiably consistent builds, Peter has advanced his skills to the point where we are able to count on him as one of our team of expert mechanics.
Peter's motto? An apple a day, if carefully aimed, keeps the doctor away.