Lakeside Bicycles Staff:
Founded on April 1, 1997. Lakeside Bicycles has been a Lake Oswego (and Portland) tradition for over a quarter of a century. Built on the proposition that all cycling opportunities should be equal and that every cyclist is entitled to the best outcome of which they are capable, we exist to exceed your innermost and most urgent cycling hopes and dreams.
Please, check us out in person. There are loads of positive reviews written by people who have been brainwashed by our kindness and attention to their needs and whims as well as the occasional angry essays by people who have, clearly, mistaken us for someone else. In either case, Lakeside Bicycles is always a better experience than the rumor.
Here, randomly arranged in the order we uncovered their photos, is our crack team of cycling Ninjas. Each of them a tower of strength and an ocean of knowledge. Each of them vibrating in readiness to realize your every cycling whim.
Lakeside Bicycles, where cycling dreams hang out.....
Onslo, The Breath Monster:
As part of his treatment for his addiction to excessive cheerfulness, we invite Onslo to visit the shop from time to time where he has variously: stolen all of the cat's toys, drooled messily over lunch, learned to (occasionally) roll over on command, and fallen asleep on every horizontal space in the shop. All that said, our hope that he will one day find a use for his other brain cell remains unrealized.
Onslo's motto? "Oh boy this is great!"
Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus, Cat Emeritus:
"He was massive, a veritable Arnold Schwarzenegger of a cat, with a wide, handsome face and a proud, lionish expression."
Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (fireside name: Magnus) The cat so big we called him 'The Great', After following our owner home from the local Cat Adoption Center, the 10 year old Magnus was responsible for Dust Bunny wrangling at Lakeside Bicycles when he wasn't under treatment for his addiction to large dogs. Though capable of overcoming foes one third his size: we, on occasion, opened the shop to find him bound, gagged and covered with threatening Post'Its from the mice. Magnus was a fixture at Lakeside Bicycles for 15 years, and passed away peacefully while sunning himself in the front window at the ripe old age of 25.
Magnus motto: Canis timidus vehementius latrat quam mordet
The Zeppelin (Otherwise known as Penny Pretty):
Nothing to do with lakeside Bicycles, she's never visited Lakeside Bicycles, she has no interest in anything that doesn't get her closer to the bird feeder. On the other hand she swore that she would make all of our lives miserable if we left her out.
The Zeppelin's motto? Gustat Sicut Pullum
Peter Drake: Lead Gordon Wrangler
After a lengthy history engaging in jobs ranging from goat herding to hand modeling to managing a music store to mangaing an e-bike importer to taking the 2020 census to getting his degree and pretty much everything imaginable in between, Peter decided to take an enormous leap away from common sense and settled down to "do something" about Lakeside Bicycle's service area. Comfortably ensconced amidst his tribe of mechanics and mechanic trainees, Peter now spends his days seeing to it that your bicycle receives the kind of attention normally accorded to exceedingly wealthy users of elective plastic surgery.
Peter's Motto? There's no such thing as overkill, just open fire and re-load.
Meryl Haber, She Who Must Be Obeyed:
Like Oregon, her home state, Meryl is a beloved source of home made baked goods. As our book keeper Meryl sees to it that the bills are paid and the brakes applied to our buying. As a young Mazama, Meryl summited every major peak in Oregon. As a rider she has embarrassed more experienced riders on Mount Ventoux, the Alpe d'huez, the Lautere, and the col Izoard (ouch. ow!).
Meryl's motto? It's good to be the Queen
Gunnar Gritzka, Grom in training:
Brought on-board as part of our "Adolescent's Repatriation and Restoration Program", Gunnar has converted himself into a serious mechanic and a generally useful member of society. We are eagerly looking forward to a year when, with Gunnar's assistance, we will have too many mechanics.
Gunnar's motto? "Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock."
Calum Pierce, Grom in training:
Calum is Lakeside Bicycles' most senior junior mechanic. Calum's serious demeanor and sly wit are a key part of our ongoing program to offer the public an embarrassment of talent.
Calum's motto? "If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you were lucky."
Gordon Haber, Law Giver:
Son of a noted tribe of itinerant carpet cleaners, Gordon spent his early years fostered to a family of Howler monkeys near a small village on the Amazon. On graduation from the Ecuador School of Hills and Valleys with a degree in swamp, Gordon went to work for the national lab doing Something Secret. At the urging of his wife (Meryl), he interrupted his career of time-card padding and web surfing to open Lakeside Bicycles where he can often be found today, staring blankly off into space and occasionally interfering with his employees.
Gordon's motto: He fears his fate too much or his desserts are small, who dares not put it to the test, to gain or lose it all.
Zohltan the Ineffable:
He's a cat. Not particularly sane, and totally indifferent to the world around him...in short: a cat.
Zohltan's motto? "Two wrongs is probably not going to be enough."
Zak Kaovalcik, Bicycle Fit Specialist
Coming to us by way of the Professional Track circut and a renowned career of bike fitting, we are proud to have Zak as Lakeside Bicycles' very own Zen Master of Retül Fit!
Zak's motto? "Who you are is always right and by the way, have you considered shorter cranks?"
Mary Kaiser, Sales, Merchandising, Staff Rocket Scientist:
A dear friend and valued member of Lakeside Bicycles' staff, Mary is single handedly responsible for dramatically increasing the population of Rocket Scientists at lakeside Bicycles.
Mary's motto? "There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."
Ted Collins: Customer Service Adept
Ted came to us during his Wanderjahr in search of some marginally profitable way to spend his time off the bicycle. We immediatly jumped at the chance to mold a receptive mind. It was only after lenghty consultation that we finally came to the mutual realization that we were not talking about the fuzzy blue stuff that shows up on elderly bread just after you apply the initial coating of peanut butter. Ted's calm demeanor and confident exposition has made him a rising super star of the sales world.
Ted's Motto? "No one owns more than they can carry in two hands at a dead run"
Kade Kaluza: Chief Mechanic in charge of Winter Sports
Years ago Kade's mother gave him a bullet which he put in his breast coat pocket. Years later while attending Mardi Gras an enraged evangelist hurled a copy of Gideon's bible from a second story hotel window striking Kade in his chest. That bible would have gone through Kade's chest had it not been for that bullet.
Kade's motto: "No matter how decrepit, I have never seen an old bicycle I didn't like and which I wasn't anxious to ride."
Tom Fahey: Public Outreach, once and future Lakeside sales maven
After years spent in recovery from his previous stint at Lakeside Bicycles Tom felt that his nerves were sufficiently steadied to afford us another go. Grayer and wiser, Tom answered our desperate plea for help and can now be found sharing his good humor and vast depth of cycling knowlege back where he belongs. A review of Tom's CV reveals a lifetime spent riding bicycles, selling bicycles, promoting bicycles, talking about bicycles, admiring bicycles, maintaining bicycles, and attending music festivals by bicycle.
Tom's motto: "Go forth in health and use your bicycle wisely."
Bre Rue: Mistress of the dark mechanical Arts
Bre is an Oregon native who is of Native American heritage as well. She started working on bikes in 1988 and has largely had some sort of job in the bicycle industry ever since. She's been fortunate enough to have been able to ride and race her bike all over the globe and at one time or another has held professional road, mountain, cyclocross and triathlon licenses. She has always stated that while she was a pretty good racer she is much more proficient with mechanic work and that has always been her major passion in life!
Bre's motto: It's simply mind over matter, if you don't mind it doesn't matter!
Marvin "Earth Shattering Kaboom" the Martian
Shop mojo, Marvin has been watching over us since the beginning. If we can just convince him to stop looking for his illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator the Earth will be safe and we can all go back to selling bike stuff.
Marvin's motto? "Non est quod amabilia?"